Musings...
Boredom = a manifestation of some kind of fear
Fear of what?
-Losing myself in the process of finding myself
-Being uncomfortable
-Being surrounded by nothing that is familiar
I knew who I was at Eureka...
I am still that person (though I have changed too), but I am not sure that person can survive in this environment.
Was that person shaped inwardly or by the environment?
If it's the latter, then who am I?
If it's not, then why am I so scared?
I cannot fall apart everytime the circumstances change.
Yet, I can and do.
Am I as strong as I thought? As brave? As wise? As flexible? As intelligent? As understanding of myself and others? As aware?
Does leaving resolve the matter?
Does California offer me a place with more opportunities for completion? Or does struggling through this time and place help more?
Is being unhappy a product of where I am or who I am? Does the fact that I feel alone here contribute? Would I feel more or less alone in California?
Fear of what?
-Not being able to do the great things people expect of me
-Not knowing what I expect of me
-Thinking that maybe school isn't for me
I still feel like I am transitioning.
What do I want?
This phase of my life to be over.
To have a job.
To do what I feel called to do.
To be able to bypass all of this and still be the person I will be for having gone through it.
Fear of what?
-Fear.
Fear of what?
-Losing myself in the process of finding myself
-Being uncomfortable
-Being surrounded by nothing that is familiar
I knew who I was at Eureka...
I am still that person (though I have changed too), but I am not sure that person can survive in this environment.
Was that person shaped inwardly or by the environment?
If it's the latter, then who am I?
If it's not, then why am I so scared?
I cannot fall apart everytime the circumstances change.
Yet, I can and do.
Am I as strong as I thought? As brave? As wise? As flexible? As intelligent? As understanding of myself and others? As aware?
Does leaving resolve the matter?
Does California offer me a place with more opportunities for completion? Or does struggling through this time and place help more?
Is being unhappy a product of where I am or who I am? Does the fact that I feel alone here contribute? Would I feel more or less alone in California?
Fear of what?
-Not being able to do the great things people expect of me
-Not knowing what I expect of me
-Thinking that maybe school isn't for me
I still feel like I am transitioning.
What do I want?
This phase of my life to be over.
To have a job.
To do what I feel called to do.
To be able to bypass all of this and still be the person I will be for having gone through it.
Fear of what?
-Fear.
posted by The Not So Little Mermaid at 10:11 AM
1 Comments:
Expectation, fear, reflection on the past... these are all things that take away from the now. We all have a tendency to move away from the moment and attempt to step back into something familiar or forward into something pleasant. We must come to a realization that only through our actions in the now can we devour fear for dessert and turn expectation into reality. We must travel through the now to conquer our fear and vanquish doubt. Don't be stopped by anybody's expectations of what you should do or who you are to become. Just be, and be at peace.
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