...

What I want from you is empty your head
But they say be true, don't stain your bed
We do what we need to be free
And it leans on me like a rootless tree.

What I want from us is learn to let go
But we fade the forests, fracture the tide
We go blind when we needed to see
And it leans on me, like a rootless...

So fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
And all you didn't do
I said bleed it, bleed it, bleed it
There's nothing in you
And do you hate me, hate me, hate me, hate me so much
That you can't let me out, let me out, let me out
Of hell when you're around
Let me out, let me out, let me out
Hell when you're around
Let me out, let me out, let me out

What I want from this
Is to learn to let go
No, not of you
Of all that is old
Killers re-invent and believe
And it leans on me, like a rootless...

So fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
And all you didn't do
I said bleed it, bleed it, bleed it
Thre's nothin' in you
And did you hate me, hate me, hate me, hate me so much
That you can't let me out, let me out, let me out...
It's hell when you're around...

So fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
And all we've been through
I said bleed it, bleed it, bleed it
There's nothin' in you
And do you hate me, hate me, hate me, hate me so much
That you can't let me out, let me out, let me out...
Hell when you're around...
Let me out, let me out, let me out, let me out...
LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT
LET ME

Musings...

Boredom = a manifestation of some kind of fear
Fear of what?
-Losing myself in the process of finding myself
-Being uncomfortable
-Being surrounded by nothing that is familiar


I knew who I was at Eureka...
I am still that person (though I have changed too), but I am not sure that person can survive in this environment.
Was that person shaped inwardly or by the environment?

If it's the latter, then who am I?
If it's not, then why am I so scared?

I cannot fall apart everytime the circumstances change.
Yet, I can and do.

Am I as strong as I thought? As brave? As wise? As flexible? As intelligent? As understanding of myself and others? As aware?

Does leaving resolve the matter?
Does California offer me a place with more opportunities for completion? Or does struggling through this time and place help more?

Is being unhappy a product of where I am or who I am? Does the fact that I feel alone here contribute? Would I feel more or less alone in California?

Fear of what?
-Not being able to do the great things people expect of me
-Not knowing what I expect of me
-Thinking that maybe school isn't for me

I still feel like I am transitioning.
What do I want?
This phase of my life to be over.
To have a job.
To do what I feel called to do.
To be able to bypass all of this and still be the person I will be for having gone through it.

Fear of what?
-Fear.